Dear God,
It's been 10 yrs since Stephen left us. It's amazing how things have changed, yet stayed the same. When will we have the answers we seek? I know, I know in your own time, you will deal with this situation. Hey just because I have no knowledge of it, doesn't mean you haven't dealt with it. I don't know but for some reason, I still believe that you won't reveal these things to us, until all of us are ready to handle it. So let me again pray for my family, that we would all let him go. That we would all realize that holding on to what happened will not bring him back. Help us to enjoy the memories and live a life, not only pleasing to you but one that my brother could be proud of. God, I just don't think Stephen would want us to still be hanging our heads over this after 10 years.
Amen.
Repost of March 2008.
Like clockwork, he invades my space to remind me this is his time. His time to be remembered, celebrated and for some mourned. I am no longer a mourner. I refuse to let the experience be anything more than a life showing us that nothing is forever. Through the loss of him, I learned forgiveness, understanding, and how to be strong when nobody else will.
I am speaking of the life and death of my brother Stephen A. Ivory. He started talking to me probably Thursday. He whispered,"Do you know what day it is?" I thought about it and said," yes I know what day it is, why?" He said, "never forget!". And with that the countdown began. In the back of my mind, behind everything else I've got going on right now, I have began the task of counting down the days.
His reminder, not so much for me, but for me to remember to take it easy on the rest of the family. My mother will be in a strange place these next couple of days, as will my sister and my sister in law and my niece. Some of us will be able to celebrate him, others will cry tears that they shoved back in from last years time of remembrance, or his birthday a few months back. This year I will focus my energy on praying for a resolution to the mystery of his death.
Back in March, I did a blog about the reopening of his cold case.
And so it begins...
The picture above was handed to my mother today as the detective over the cold cases in Dayton, Ohio sat down on our couch. You see the guy in the picture is my brother Stephen. 8 yrs ago he was shot 17 times and his case has yet to be solved. The picture was at the bottom of a mug shot profile from exactly 3 months to the day of his killing. Every year about this time, the feelings well up and the memories flood and the house becomes solemn. See next month in April he would have been turning 42. April is a big birthday month in our family. My mother's birthday is the 1st, then comes Solomon ( nephew ) on the 3rd, then Stephen's on the 22nd, his daughter Ericka turns 16 this year on the 23rd and on the 28 my sister in -law ( Stephen's wife ) turns 39. Today a lot of info that my mother never knew came out. There were things that we tried to keep hid from her...that today she found out about. My mother developed a seizure disorder a few months after his death and well we kind of decided it was best not to add to her sorrow with things that we heard on the street or however in regards to my brothers death. She has carried hatred in her heart for years regarding his murder. Not to say I wouldn't feel the same way but when my lesson came to let go of the anger and hatred I did...I let it go. I went on a tangent and stirred up trouble in a drunken rage for nearly 2 yrs after my brother died...and almost died because of my anger. I then learned to let go and let God. A few months back my mother was upset because they told her that his case couldn't be opened for cold case unless recommended to that department...well I guess somebody decided it was time for a recommendation because here we are with an open case and lots of info and hopes of one day my mother finding some peace and letting go.
Here is what I can tell you...
July 14th , 1999 I received an urgent message from my mother to come home as quickly as I possibly could. She was crying in the phone and everything in me told me someone was dead. As I pulled up to the house, a detective was coming out of our home and you could hear my mother screaming and hollering from inside the house. I became very upset at the detective because when I asked him what was wrong, this mothafucka told me to just go in the house. So when I step in the house my mother tells me that 2 blocks away my brother was killed working on a job site. My brother was into construction. The detective said that someone had come in and from what it appeared had happened...shot at him from the door all the way to the back door which was bolted and unable to be opened and shot him 17 times. Unloaded on him. There was another person there (who shall remain nameless )but this person was then told that if he said anything he would be found and his family too would suffer a loss. The case was investigated. There were many leads. There were even names of the alleged killer but at the end of the day...the case went cold.
As some of you know my mom had her first seizure in about 3 years 2 days ago. I just so happened to be up on one of my nightly bathroom runs when I heard her making the noises she makes when going into a seizure. She has been diagnosed with grandmal seizures but this one didn't go like they normally would. Anyway..I called out to her and she answered me but immediately had another one. A few moments later she was fine. I still made her call her Dr. when business hours began and off to the ER we went. End result they said her medicine levels were off and needed to be changed. I call it Divine intervention but you can call it whatever you want. I believe that everything happens for a reason...I believe that my mother was being prepared to handle this day. I know from here on out its going to be a bumpy ride once again for my family. I just ask that if you can..pray for us..send up some positive energy on our behalf..I would much appreciate it. I am doing fine...but its not me that concerns me..its my moms. However as this stuff unfolds...I say that I will be holding it together as I am now. Right now I'm in between concern for my mother and joy that finally this thing may just be over. Whatever... just pray for my family will you?
**The case as of yet is still unsolved, I think Monday I will call and see if they are making progress. I have to. He said never forget and I promised that I won't.
